Life Before Keto: An Open Letter to the Old Me

Dear Sarah-Jane,

Life before Keto was different. I am so sorry. In the past, taking care of you wasn’t my priority. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong, but now that I do, I can only apologize and promise to never do you like that again.

The History

I think back to the weekends of family sized bags of chips, bags of candy, and full litres of pop that I consumed regularly and I’m floored. Have you calculated the calories and carbs in a large size bag of Doritos? 😪  This was a regular occurrence in my life before keto. It’s so wild to reminisce about the type of diet I sustained for 21 years. It was completely devoid of nutrients.

Calories in Doritos – Life Before Keto

It’s crazy to remember because, I always struggled with my physical appearance, ever since the 5th grade when a friend pointed out that I had a bigger belly than her. It was only then that I became aware of the part of my body that would haunt me a good decade later. Ah, the bitter drink of self-awareness. So necessary but so, so scary.

So what’s the first thing I tried? Working out. I can’t count how many times I started the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Micheals. So. Many. Times. I never saw any changes. Mainly because my longest streak was 3 days. 😅 I can laugh at it now, but at the time it was not at all funny. I was just really frustrated.

I felt like my appearance was something I was stuck and destined to have, and something I could do nothing about. Just me, myself, and that damn belly.

The Attempt

I had lost weight successfully once in my life – after my first year of University, when I had packed on the pounds. In that time I had probably gained 10 – 15lbs. I was hovering near 158lbs, but I lost it through strict calorie counting; however, I was hungry all the damn time and lost my butt. So that was disappointing.

It’s weird looking back at it now that the consideration to eat healthier never came to mind. My life before keto just never consisted of green things. It was just never a part of my diet. It was all carbs, fats, and little to no protein. The healthiest food that I included in my diet was probably coleslaw? And seriously, how healthy is cabbage, shredded carrots, and diced onions slathered in mayonnaise?

It was later on in my life — 3 years later — when I had a summer off that I really got to explore my hobby of cooking. I was essentially shopping every day – not for clothes though, but for groceries, cooking elaborate meals, and then eating them. Every single day. So while I was perfecting my cooking abilities I was also packing on the pounds. In my life before keto, I never saw the scale move down as rapidly as it does now.

Korean Fried Chicken, Chow Mein, Sweet Chilli Chicken – Life Before Keto

I noticed that I was gaining weight. My legs were chafing, my jeans were getting tighter, I looked bigger. By some miracle, I decided to weigh myself, and the number I saw on that scale was really scary. 161 lbs.

Now while I know this number may not be that big in the grand scheme of things, It was a big deal to me. Now, I’m 5’4 and I’d never seen the 160’s in my life. Weighing 160lbs can look very different on someone who is 5’7 as opposed to someone that is 5’4. At this time I’d learned about body types. It seemed like I had received the shortest end of the stick ever.

I have an upside-down triangle shape. So essentially that means that I have broad shoulders, and carry very little weight on my lower body. In the era of Kim Kardashian bodies, and Instagram models you can understand my frustration. I sat there and reflected, so am I destined to be pot-bellied, and be uncomfortable in my body for my entire life because — genetics? Is that it? Is this my fate?

Inverted Triangle Body Shape – Life Before Keto

The Choice

Thankfully I said no. This cannot be. I deserve to feel pretty, to be fit, and comfortable in my body.

If not now, when? Why not now? When I’m still young, have no kids or responsibilities and when I’m single AF? I’d always felt that my weight and appearance were the biggest things that held me back in my life. I felt like I wasn’t justified to act, or feel certain things because I didn’t look like a “bad bitch”. In short, my life before keto was full of limitations.

Enter Keto, the diet I saw help my dad go from being a pot-bellied, full-blown diabetic patient, to losing 30lbs and sitting in the pre-diabetic range and his A1C numbers keep decreasing. He went from being a rice addicted individual to eating things like keto bagels, and low carb bread. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and him.

I went from being 161lbs to sitting at a cool 130lbs and decreasing. It’s the only time I haven’t been hungry, haven’t struggled, and have truly seen a decrease in weight and inches all over my body. I also feel so much better. I’m no longer sluggish after eating and suffering from heartburn every time I eat.

So to the old, hungry, deep fried food craving, sesame chicken & fried rice-loving, fried yam obsessed Sarah-Jane, I say sorry. But most of all, I also say thank you.

From the past me to the present Sarah-Jane, thank you for teaching me how I don’t want to feel or look again for the rest of my life. Thank you for teaching me about self-control. I appreciate you for teaching me how dangerous the cycle of binging can be to my body. Thank you for carrying me all this time without giving out, and thank you for giving me the confidence to share my story with the world wide web, my friends, and my family.